Downtrodden Dog's Extreme Pedicure

Downtrodden Dog had a disastrous day today.

I'm not sure what exactly happened, but at some stage over night there was an 'incident', no doubt involving the usual hole in the lawn digging douche baggery,  and this morning he was very very lame, and very miserable. I took a closer look to see why he was limping and I noticed this:

He's not just broken a claw - he's torn is out completely, Gestapo style, leaving just a bright red quick. That of course lead to a lot of this:

Oh god!oh god mum it's SOOOOOOOOO sore! oh god poor me, I'm going to die!

Followed by this:

My life sucks, I'm probably never going to walk again :(

So I did what any caring Mumma would do (Hey, he WAS my first baby after all) and took him to the vet. The vet was out delivering a foal at the time, so Downtrodden Dog was dropped off to be picked up after he'd been checked out and patched up. 

Now, after 9 years of trouble free dog motherhood  I wasn't prepared for the ructions leaving said dog at the vet would cause. Not for the dog - no he was fine, he was quite excited to be left at a place that smelled of dogs. And not from me, the only part I was worried about was the bill. Nope, leaving Downtrodden Dog at the vet had a profound effect on.....

Captain Chaos:

(red face, snotty nose, tears, the whole shebang... that boy sure loves his Goggy!)

Which resulted in:

(I don't know why I'm crying, but the boy's crying so it MUST be serious!)

Unfortunately for Saint Michael, he was off work today. And the dog was going to be in the Vets for a couple of hours. And I had a pre planned engagement he'd promised to babysit for WEEKS ago.....

So I did what anyone in my situation would do - I got into my dress and heels, pacified the kids with ice blocks and boosted to the corporate lunch I had planned... Sorry Saint Mike! 

A couple of hours later I picked Dog up (still in my dress and heels) and he got to ride home in the front of the car - so he was happy again! One tetanus shot, one penicillin shot, 2 days hard core antibiotics and 6 days of regular antibiotics and $120 later, Downtrodden dog is home. He doesn't even have a bootie on his foot or a satellite dish around his head. And he's sleeping under the computer desk right now, even though he's supposedly an outside dog. 

Dog better watch out though... Captain Chaos has already asked if he can take the dog back to the vet so he can have an ice block tomorrow.....

And I guarantee this won't be enough to stop him digging holes in my lawn either.

No need for profanity.....

So, a little while ago the kids were playing in the lounge, and things had obviously been going too well for too long, because a sudden wailing from Mrs Mischief alerted me to the fact that I should tear my lazy arse away from the computer for a moment and do some honest to god parenting.

So I put on my Mum face, and stomped into the lounge room to re stake my place as top dog of the family. I could see straight away what had happened - The baby was wailing on the floor, and Captain Chaos was standing over her, her beloved purple pony in his hand. She had obviously slighted him by playing quietly on the floor with her OWN toy, and he wasn't going to let the attention be removed from him for a second.

Me: 'Oi! What's going on! Why is she crying!? Give her that back!'
Him 'NO! I WANT THIS PONY!'
Me 'No, it's hers, give it back now, or you can go and stand in the laundry until you're ready to share!'
Him: 'NO! I WANT THIS PONY!'
Me: 'It's hers, stop being a bully, give it back RIGHT NOW or go to the laundry!'
Him: 'NO I NOT. I NOT. I WANT THIS PO - NEEEEE!!!!!'
Me: 'Get to the laundry right now!'

and then it happened.....

(yes he is in his underwear.... don't ask.....)

Whoa - the F bomb!

I'm not entirely surprised, god knows I swear like a sailor, but for a kid who spent nearly 3 years saying NOTHING its a big shock when they call you a fuck. I wasn't sure how to react...

A - Ignore so he doesn't realise it's a 'forbidden word'?

B - Punish on top of the toy snatching punishment, so he's doubly punished?

C - Call him a much more effective array of swears and blow his mind?

I went with open D - Confuse the hell out of him.

'Fuck is a verb! NOT a noun! Sometimes an adjective, but not a noun, sort your grammar out and GET TO THE LAUNDRY!'

He was VERY confused. And promptly tootled off to the laundry for snatching toys off the baby.

That'll teach him.